I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
