Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
