dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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