they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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