u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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