Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize