I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
