Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
