I think i peed on brittanys purse
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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