I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
