You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
