She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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