The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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