You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize