so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize