We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
