I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
