i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
