They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
