ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
