I'm so fucking centered right now
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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