We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
