so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
