whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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