She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize