your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
