So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Farmville is her only friend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
