i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
