you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have fence marks all over my body
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
