I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
