I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
