Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
