SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
