no, he came in my armpit
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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