That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
