Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize