just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
