I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
