why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
