pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
