i permit you to call me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
