How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
