God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
