im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
