the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
