So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
