I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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