Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
