I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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