I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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