Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
