I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize