My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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