Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
