Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
