So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Randomize
