theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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