How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
