oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize