it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
