You really coming over, don't trick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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