so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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