the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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