I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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