Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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