So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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