But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
