I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize