I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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