just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
