Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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