Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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