Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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