My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize