Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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