sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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