Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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