then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
