i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
