Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
