i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if only i could text you this smell
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
