My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
