So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
