Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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