I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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