dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
