Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
