i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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