On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
