We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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