Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
