that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
