clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I AM VODKA MAN
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
