What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
