Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize