I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
honey bunches of taint.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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