yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've blown a few things in my day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
