I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just had sex bonerless
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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