Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
