i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
