New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
