life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
